Reflections of a double life

I recently took a job in Melbourne.  Before applying for jobs in Melbourne, I weighed up the pros and cons.  The biggest downside is that I am not with my husband and children during the week.  However, there are positives.  I get to spend  precious time with my family in Melbourne; catch up with friends I have ignored while we have been building plus I really like the work I am doing. 

One of the unexpected up sides is the reflective time I have in the car.  Without traffic the drive from home to work is about 2.5 hours.  Add in Melbourne's horrendous peak hour traffic (which is not helped by the lack of public transport from the outer eastern "suburbs") and the drive quickly escalates to nearly 4 hours.   

The long drive twice a week has given me the opportunity to assess my life, the interactions I have with people and the way I feel about these things. 

I was introduced to the formal term for this kind of thinking, reflective practice, while working in youth and family services.  Prior to that, for me the process was merely contemplation.

Reflective practice involves evaluating your own values through a process of continuous learning.  The Japanese refer to continuous improvement as kaizen and define it as 'change for the better'. Argyrius and Schon (1978) defined the process of double loop learning (where you subject your actions to cricial scrutiny involving the identification and correction of errors and then modify the way you respond when a similar situation arises).  Kolb (1984) converted this theory into to a reflective practice flow chart.

The time in the car has given me a new-found appreciation for the importance of assessing the decisions I make and responses I have to things people say and do.  I have found that this has led to increased creativity and the formation of new ideas.  I find that I am more analytical in my approach to life and am less reactive in the things that I do.  

I am more able to utilise Suzy Welch's 10-10-10 rule where you base decision-making for large choices on the impact the decision will have for you in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years.   Separating the benefits into short and long term makes the decision easier to make.  If the benefits are short-lived only, the decision is possibly not the right choice.  However, a short term sacrafice that leads to large long term gains might be worthwhile.

As a result of time to reflect on life, I (generally speaking) have a calmer demeanor.   I have much greater observation skills (each time I notice something I would have missed previously, it makes me think of Ursula from the little mermaid swinging her hips and saying "And don't underestimate the importance of body language").  I also tend to have better insight into how people are feeling and the affect my actions have on them.  I am better able to dedicate time to the kids and I feel like I am more nourished.

I believe that our busy lives mean that we have less time for reflective practice and our lives are very reactive as a result.  I think that in time when the majority lived as subsistence farmers doing manual work they would have had time to mull things over while they toiled at repetitive tasks.  I wonder how society would change if more people had time to think things through and took advantage of that time to analyse their actions.  I imagine, if that were the case, there would be a lot less tension and anger.